Thankful Mom of Five, Adoptive Mom of Two Ukrainian Beauties and Bereaved Mom

         Today I am thankful for not having to get any more Lovenox shots. Lovenox is a blood thinner.  Pancreatitis is known to produce blood clots so I had to get the blood thinner. Those shots are killers. I had to get one a day while I was in the hospital.  They gave them to me on my side and in my back.  I have 8 of these marks on my back and on my side. I look like a bruised and battered woman.  This spot is 6 days old! When Olivia had  bilateral pulmonary emboli, I had to give her a shot everyday.  I gave it to her in her leg because she has no fat anywhere and it is supposed to be given where you can grab some fat!  No problem finding a spot on me! I had no idea at the time how much pain I was inflicting on her. The needle is tiny but that does not seem to matter.       When the IV was taken out of my arm, it kept bleeding and they had to keep replaci...

          Today I am thankful for coming home to these beautiful flowers from my friend Debbie and her family! I LOVE flowers. These flowers are breathtakingly beautiful and colorful!     It was a wonderful surprise! These are the most fragrant flowers ever, they filled my kitchen with a lovely fragrance.  Debbie is also a bereaved mom.  We met in an online bereavement chat room the year that we both lost our teenage children, 2001. Debbie lost her 17 year old son Peter in a snowmobile accident. Debbie is so kind and sweet and compassionate and she is funny as can be!  We have spent a lot of time in person too!  It is nice to feel so loved.  I have the best friends ever!  I really do.  I guess God was making up for my rotten, mentally ill mother by bringing so many wonderful friends to me.  Good job God!          Today I went to see m...

       I am still trying to catch up from being in the hospital.  Today I am thankful that we all went to Renee and Adam's house for dinner.  Olivia's boyfriend Frankie also met us at Renee's and ate dinner with us. I am just exhausted,  to have someone else prepare and cook hot food was beyond wonderful!  Adam grilled turkey burgers, hamburgers, and hot dogs.  Renee also made baked French fries, and corn on the cob.  Everything was hot and delicious!  I made and brought sugar free raspberry Jello with fruit and fat free whipped topping.  I have to watch what I eat for a few weeks until my stomach is back to feeling OK. We all had a lot of fun eating and chatting and laughing. I am so glad that my daughters get along and are close because that is what life is really about.  When I was in the hospital there was a white board in the room.  Olivia wrote a message to me...Love you,...

        I am thankful that my close friend and former next door neighbor Linda's daughter Amy  had a beautiful and wonderful wedding on Sun night. The wedding was beautiful and Amy was so happy.  I wish I would have gotten to see her but the pictures are lovely.  I was still in the hospital and unable to attend. Sadly, my friend Linda died several years ago.  She was a loving mother, great wife, and wonderful and loyal friend. Linda and I both had daughters within a year of each other.  And we both named our daughters AMY. Amy and Amy were best friends. Amy Y loved to have my Amy over at her house.  She would talk her mom Linda into buying Twizzlers because it was my Amy's favorite candy!  I rarely had candy at my house. My Amy was a candyholic!  Amy Y would call my Amy and say "my mom bought Twizzlers and my Amy would tear out the door and go over there!  W...

   I am going to try to catch up on my blog from the week I was in the hospital.  I am thankful that my family went to Amy's grave on her anniversary date.  Dan, Renee, Adam(and Sandy), Olivia, Olya, Joe, Kathy, John, Erica, Noah and Natasha went to the grave and read the messages that people had written to Amy. Olya had cut them into small strips as I had asked her to do. The plan was to bury the messages at the gravesite after reading them to Amy.  Erica had brought a huge spoon to bury them, but the ground was too hard!  Everyone made fun of her for the spoon BUT SHE was the only one who brought  something to dig with! Dan and I will bring a big shovel and bury them or we will burn them there and pour the ashes on her grave. I am doing my best to celebrate Amy's life instead of to just mourn her death but it is very difficult to not always be mourning for her. Since I was in the hospital, and really sick, I couldn't go.  There was never a ye...

Today I am thankful for the gift of being Amy’s mom for almost 19 years. It has been 17 years since she has taken a breath or smiled, 17 years since the world was a better place with her in it, and 17 years of grief and pain living without her.  I would not trade the pain for the gift of being her mother. Thank you Amy for being you  

Today I am thankful for the kind medical staff that has been taking care of me.  I have pancreatitis and might have to have my gall bladder taken out.  I don’t relish the idea of surgery. My medical team is made up of people of both genders and every race and age and are all caring and kind.  I am thankful to be in good hands and wish I were in good health!  I think that we never appreciate good health until we lose it

Today I am thankful for the messages everyone sent me. I am in the hospital with pancreatitis. It was so nice to see and read all of the sweet comments and emails. I am not permitted to have any food because the treatment is to starve the pancrease. I am not really hungry but I miss the taste of food. I am thankful that I have nice nurses

      This is what I posted on my Facebook page and in about 10 bereavement groups I belong to. Friday, May 25th will be 17 years that my daughter AMy has been gone. I am going to write a letter to her below and take it to the cemetery. If anyone wants to add anything or comment, I would really appreciate it. Dear AMY, We miss you every second of everyday. You were the sweetest and kindest daughter anyone could be blessed to have. There isn't a moment or an experience that I don't think of you or try to include you in some way. I wish you were still here but I am so proud and thankful to be your mom. Missing you and loving you forever and ever.  LOVE, MOM  Many people wrote as if they were actually talking to AMy and it warmed and hugged and squeezed my heart.  I am beyond grateful for all of the sweet notes, messages, emails, and comments. Hundreds of people liked, loved, or used the sadness emoticon on my posting. Here is a sample of mes...