Day 319 of 365 Days of Being Thankful

         Today I am thankful that I had lunch with my bereaved mom friends yesterday.  They are all so wonderful and such caring women.  We talked about what to do with our children's clothes. I have gotten rid of most of Amy's clothes over the years.  I know she would never wear something that out of date.  Some of the moms cleaned out their children's clothes right away and other moms have not been able to do that yet. It is a very emotional experience. There is no right or wrong because there is so much sadness either way.
 Amy in her freshman dorm room at PSU (Amy would be 36 if she hadn't died)

Adriana lost her daughter Aimee at age 13 about 3 years ago.  She has an older daughter who is now an only living child.  Family dynamics and birth order changes with the death of a child. My Amy is forever 18, I can't imagine her as an adult or married or with children of her own. Amy is now my youngest child. It is strange when your oldest daughter eventually becomes your youngest child, it is difficult to wrap your mind around it. Jill's daughter Karli was the oldest daughter but her sister was only a year or so younger so she is now older than her older sister. How can the impossible happen?  Deb lost her middle son Hayden who is now younger than his younger brother.  My friend Nancy just went to her son's best friend's wedding.  She lost it when the wedding party came in because she knew her son Grant would have been the best man.  I totally lost it when Amy's best friend got married and the bridesmaids walked down the aisle.  I knew Amy would have been a bridesmaid and I could just imagine how beautiful she would have looked and how happy she would have been for Kristen. Bereaved moms are always missing a piece of their heart.  The hardest thing for me is what Amy is missing and what she should be doing now in life. I live my life with immense sadness but I try to be positive for my other daughters. I try to live in each moment and experience the joy of that moment.  It is not easy but it is doable with effort.
         I went over to feed Renee's dog Sandy.  Sandy doesn't like me anymore so she was NOT thrilled to see me. Sandy use to like me a lot but she has had a few seizures and now she doesn't care for me. I had to lure her outside with a trail of dog food.  I really did. Then I had to lure her back inside with another trail of dog food.  Fortunately, Sandy is always hungry and LOVES dog food.

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