Day 284 of 365 Days of Being Thankful

   

   
          Today I am thankful that I had a lunch meeting with four of my favorite moms.  We are all bereaved moms and these women are all so special.  There are 9 of us in the group. One hardly ever shows up. There are 7 regular attendees. My friend Deb was in Florida taking care of her elderly mother-in-law. My friend L had to work so she couldn't attend. L lost her beautiful twenty-something daughter to cancer.  L is always smiling.  She is also very funny! My friend R is so sweet and so nice!  She lost her beloved son Steven about 3 years ago.  I had known her from years and years ago when my bio kids were in the same school as her two sons. I remember Steven as an adorable quiet little boy. We only found out he died when Dan went to back to school night for Olivia in high school. Her science teacher had been in Indian Guides with his dad and Dan and Joe, and Steven and Bert.  He knew Steven and his dad Bert from Indian Guides. He mentioned Steven's death to Dan and Dan was shocked, we knew nothing about it!  I contacted R on Facebook. I was heartbroken for her and her husband and other son. It makes no sense.  R and her husband and son are wonderful people.  Steven died from a brain aneurysm. He was in his early thirties.  My friend A was also at the meeting.  She lost her daughter Aimee, at age 13, to cancer.  Aimee was so adorable. We say my Amy and your Aimee to each other! Her mom has a video of her singing and I think of her sweet voice all of the time.  A has a lot of faith and I am glad about that. It helps her move forward. N was also at the meeting. N is one of the most upbeat people I have ever had the privilege to know. Her son Grant,  also in his thirties I think, died from a heart defect. N is always in a good mood and I love to be around her, I feel  happier in her presence. She often thanks me for organizing the meetings and I really appreciate that.  She is also our treasurer. J lost her daughter Karly in a car accident. Her daughter was driving and her other daughter was in the car.  J's other daughter is still suffering after effects of the car crash.  So J had to nurse  her second daughter while grieving the death of her older daughter. So much suffering and I see no reason for any of it.  I just know in the pit of my heart that these are all such special and wonderful women. I wish I could take away their pain.  No one deserves to live with what we are forced to live with. It would be nice if we never had a reason to meet  but since the reason exists, I am so happy and thankful to have them in my life.  We are a group of bereaved moms but we have also become good friends. I always look forward to seeing any and all of them each month!

          We can and do talk about everything and anything to each other. We can be serious and we can joke with each other and we can say our deceased children's names without feeling that we are making someone uncomfortable. Each of us understands the pain of the others.  It is deep and non-ending.  We look normal on the outside but we have broken hearts on the inside.  Grief is very tiring and a difficult non ending journey throughout our lives.I always try to have a topic to discuss so that we have time to grieve and vent and console.  N suggested an outing to beautiful indoor Gardens in Dec. I think it is a great idea, I will go if I get rid of some of my sciatica pain. I am glad to organize this group of special women. We meet at Paneras so no one has to clean or prepare food, etc.  We just have to show up if we are able to attend the monthly meetings.  Today we talked about how to answer when someone asks how many children we have. I always say 5 and one is deceased. A said that she says 2 and one is in heaven, J said she never answers the question and quickly removes herself from a conversation when asked. I just can't say "in heaven" because to me, it makes her death less painful, as if she is in a wonderful and safe place.  And I certainly hope she is but I don't know that for sure. None of our answers are wrong, they are what we feel comfortable answering or not answering.

        I am still waiting for my pot card in the mail. Olivia keeps telling me to say medical marijuana card as if saying "pot card" will get me arrested or something.  Last night I was talking to one of my former students online.  He is probably almost 30 now......hard to believe when I am only 29!  He has a medical marijuana card.  He told me which store and location to go to.  One of my friends said it would probably be easier to buy it on the street! I don't know about that but I am so rules oriented I would probably turn myself in!  I recommended a friend of mine to the pot doc for her husband.  He also has chronic pain and some other health issues.  The pot doc sent me a thank you email. He is an anesthesiologist and I think he makes a ton more money doing that.  He told me that he really believes in medical marijuana and  has seen how much it has helped his patients! His wife is so much like my friend, I think they will like each other a lot when they meet!!