Day 244 of 365 Days of Being Thankful

         Today I am thankful that Dan and I adopted Olivia and Olya and they so easily fit into our family.   I have several friends who have adopted from Ukraine and they have had serious issues with their adopted children. Some of them have no contact at all with their now adult adopted children.  I also have friends who have no contact with their adult biological children. Many children in Ukraine are taken from alcoholic parents. Many of those children also suffered with abandonment issues and emotional or physical abuse.  Fortunately, both of my girls came from from families who truly loved them, especially their extended families and grandparents.  Olya's brothers and sisters and some family friends are still in contact with her on Facebook.  Her brothers post pictures of their "beautiful sister who now lives in America." That always makes me feel good that they love her and still feel a connection to her but are happy that she has a family in America. They always LIKE every picture she is in and often write a  comment. After we adopted Olivia, a friend invited me to hr adoption agency get together with families and children adopted from Ukraine. There were probably fifty to sixty families at the get together.  So many of the kids had serious emotional and physical issues that I decided that we would not adopt again until we hosted first. I had no idea that so many of the adopted children from Ukraine would have serious issues.  I knew Olivia was sweet because she was so kind to our cats when she first arrived and she was so happy and smiley and helpful.  Everyone just adored her from the start!  We hosted Olya the following Christmas holidays and I loved her from the moment we picked her up at the van drop off. The children and chaperones had missed their connecting flight so all of the waiting parents chipped in money and a van was hired to bring the children to a highway rest area. I knew she was meant to be our daughter.  I can still remember what both girls were wearing the first time I saw them. Olivia was wearing white tights and a long sleeved dark green dress.(and a huge smile).  Olya was wearing a knee length red coat and high brown boots., and a big smile.

Fetal Alcohol SYndrome and Fetal Alcohol Effects--mental and physical damage to the
Child in the womb..

Rare

Fewer than 200,000 US cases per year

Treatment can help, but this condition can't be cured

Requires a medical diagnosis

Lab tests or imaging rarely required

This condition can be prevented by abstaining from alcohol during pregnancy.

Distinctive facial features, learning disabilities, bone and joint deformities, heart defects, and hyperactivity are some symptoms.

The syndrome is irreversible. Treatment, especially if early, can help reduce some symptoms.

Many orphans from Eastern Europe suffer from Fetal Alcohol Syndrome(FAS) or Fetal Alcohol Effects(FAE).

  It is difficult to determine when you look at the children because they are all so beautiful. And it is close to impossible to identify in babies.  Most of the manifestations don't happen until puberty.

It is really sad when an adoption fails after the fact.  Adopting a child, just as giving birth, is a very emotional experience/time. Olivia, when she was mad at us or annoyed would always say......"How old do I have to be to go back to Ukraine?" (Ukraine considers adopted children Ukrainian citizens until after age 18 so that they can return to their birth country if they choose to do that). And I would say "age 18!"  Then Olya would say..."Can I have her room and her computer?" And I would say.  "Of course! And you can have her computer and anything else she can't fit in one suitcase!"  Then Olivia would tell her that she wasn't really planning to leave so Olya could forget about her room and her computer.  I do know of two families whose adopted adult children chose to go back to Ukraine,  One was a female  identical twin, she went back and her twin stayed!

 If the child eventually leaves the family when they become an adult, it is heartbreaking for everyone involved! It is especially sad for the parents who were building a family.  I know of three families that this happened to and it is heartbreaking for all of them.  I was watching a Dr. Phil show about adult bio children and their parents who don't get along.  He said that sometimes adult family members have to disconnect for the good of everyone. I think that is true.