Day 29 of 365 Days of Being Thankful

       Today I am thankful for the video I watched on my Facebook feed. It was about a researcher from Brigham Young University who did a study to predict how long people would live. The researcher ad her team gathered all the pertinent information from tens of thousands of people.  They recorded whether people were lean or overweight, smoked, drank, exercised, ate a healthy diet, got a flu shot, etc.  Then they  waited seven years and reported their findings. One would think that being thin, exercising, and s healthy diet would be the top predictors of a longer life. The top predictors were surprising.  What they found was that the top predictors of living longer were social interactions.  The second to the top predictor was social interactions with your close group of friends, people you rely on and can count on.  I have such wonderful, close friends who have stood by me before and after Amy died.  Lots of people I thought were my friends dropped off my social registry after Amy died because they couldn't handle my grief.  But , then I found that I had such wonderful friends who stood by me in the darkest days of my life. My friend Linda, who died a few years ago, Nancy and Jackie never forgot about me.  Nancy, Jackie and Carol are my besties long term. They are such loyal friends.  Amy B. and Nancy actually came to Amy's trial and I will never forget that. They are both nurses.  I think they both have built in compassion.  Amy B is the friend everyone should have.  She is so supportive and so kind. My childhood friend Leslie is a wonderful friend. Leslie's dad died when she was about 10 and her mother died when she was about 19. Leslie raised her four younger siblings.  She is always still a positive person, she is never resentful.  It is because of her that I went for a mammogram, I hadn't had one for 8 or 9 years. And when I went, I had breast cancer, then surgery and radiation.  Without Leslie, I probably would be dead.   And many others I have met along my life and the grief trail I walk everyday.  Priscilla, another bereaved mom, is the best friend I have ever had. We met online, and then I invited her to a grief group and we have been the best of friends since then.  We both totally get each other and can laugh together even though we have everlasting grief.   And my close friend Carol, who is related to my friend Jackie, is so caring.  She asks everyday how Olivia is doing and offers to help in any way. Joann is my childhood friend and my college friend and she has always been there for me, I don't get to see her as much as I'd like because she is still working full-time. And my other college friend Mary means so much to me. There is something fulfilling about being with people who have known you a long time and shared special moments with you. I also love being with the moms in my grief support group.  We share an unspoken bond that can't be described. I wish I had never had a reason to meet them, but I am so glad for their friendship.  My friend Roe, whom I had known years ago, lost her beloved son Steven a few years ago so we reconnected. Only another bereaved mom can truly understand the loss. Every bereaved mom in my group is nice and kind and caring and loved their children deeply. The losses make no sense to me. I met my bereaved mom friend Debbie online after Amy died.  We have shared many important moments in our living children's lives. She is very caring and very funny which I appreciate so much. Thank you Lord for bringing these people into my life.
    

      The top indicator of a long life, from the study, was daily social interactions with people. I talk to everyone when I'm out.  My daughter Olivia goes crazy when I talk to strangers. She asks me why people always talk to me.  I have no idea, maybe I seem approachable. I always say to her, "you learn things you never knew by talking to people." I talk to the checkout person at the supermarket or CVS. I always talk to my mailman, he is the nicest man.  It is so much easier to be nice and friendly than it is to be cold and unfriendly. I belong to two book clubs(one is an occasional book club at the library), two bereaved parent groups(I run one of them), one dinner club group(my friend Candy even organized  a Facebook group for the dinner group) and a birthday lunch group with my long time best friends Jackie, Carol, and Nancy. I am thinking that I should do something at my church, I just am not sure what.  I met my good friend Deb and I loved the church after I joined an adoption group there so we joined the church.  I actually met Deb from posting on an adoption board online.  I was desperate to meet anyone local who had girls Olivia's age.  All of my friends had older kids. Deb responded because she was going to host a girl from Russia and also she had two adorable adopted daughters from China.  Deb is the nicest person, I just love her.  We are both older adoptive moms and we both have bio kids. We laugh about how we met.  I could have been bringing a crazy woman to my house and she could have been going to a crazy woman's house! The things we do for our kids! I had belonged to an adoption advocacy group at church,but that group disbanded for awhile after one of the leaders was arrested for sexual abuse of his daughter.  The group supposedly will reorganize.  Dan takes Olivia to car rides in the city a lot.  He gives her dollar bills to hand out to homeless people on the streets.  I am thinking of getting 50 one dollar bills to give him and Olivia to hand out the next time they go on a car ride. Maybe we should add a little note to the dollar bills.   I want my daughters to grow up and be good people and happy people, it is more important to be nice and caring than to have a lot of things and/or be selfish.
     

 Part of me says that living longer with the people you love is a wonderful thing. Since I adopted Olia and Olya as an older mom, I want to be around for them as long as I can.  But part of me says, when my two youngest daughters are self-sufficient, that I am ready to go any time and be with Amy. I have not seen her for sixteen and a half years, it is so difficult to be without her for so long.  I know that I have responsibilities here but I am very glad that Olivia and Olya are now legal adults.